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PROGRESS
REPORT 12
April
30—I’ve
quit my job with Donnegan’s Plastic Box Company. Mr. Donnegan insisted that it
would be better for all concerned if I left.
What
did I do to make them hate me so?
The first I
knew of it was when Mr. Donnegan showed me the petition. Eight hundred and
forty names, everyone connected with the factory, except Fanny Girden.
Scanning the list quickly, I saw at once that hers was the only missing name.
All the rest demanded that I be fired.
Joe Carp and
Frank Reilly wouldn’t talk to me about it. No one else would either, except
Fanny. She was one of the few people I’d known who set her mind to something
and believed it no matter what the rest of the world proved, said, or did—and
Fanny did not believe that I should have been fired. She had been against the
petition on principle and despite the pressure and threats she’d held out.
“Which don’t
mean to say,” she remarked, “that I don’t think there’s something mighty
strange about you, Charlie. Them changes. I don’t know. You used to be a good,
dependable, ordinary man—not too bright maybe, but honest. Who knows what you
done to yourself to get so smart all of a sudden. Like everybody around here’s
been saying, Charlie, it’s not right.”
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She stared
down at her work and I turned to leave. Without looking at me, she said: “It
was evil when Eve listened to the snake and ate from the tree of knowledge. It
was evil when she saw that she was naked. If not for that none of us would ever
have to grow old and sick, and die.”
Once again
now I have the feeling of shame burning inside me. This intelligence has driven
a wedge between me and all the people I once knew and loved. Before, they
laughed at me and despised me for my ignorance and dullness; now, they hate me
for my knowledge and understanding. What in God’s name do they want of me?
They’ve
driven me out of the factory. Now I’m more alone than ever before.
May 15—Dr. Strauss
is very angry at me for not having written any progress reports in two weeks.
He’s justified because the lab is now paying me a regular salary. I told him I
was too busy thinking and reading. When I pointed out that writing was such a
slow process that it made me impatient with my poor handwriting, he suggested
that I learn to type. It’s much easier to write now because I can type nearly
seventy-five words a minute. Dr. Strauss continually reminds me of the need to
speak and write simply so that people will be able to understand me.
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I’ll try to
review all the things that happened to me during the last two weeks. Algernon
and I were presented to the American Psychological Association sitting in
convention with the World Psychological Association last Tuesday. We created
quite a sensation. Dr. Nemur and Dr. Strauss were proud of us.
I suspect
that Dr. Nemur, who is sixty—ten years older than Dr. Strauss—finds it
necessary to see tangible results of his work. Undoubtedly the result of
pressure by Mrs. Nemur.
Contrary to
my earlier impressions of him, I realize that Dr. Nemur is not at all a genius.
He has a very good mind, but it struggles under the spectre of self-doubt. He
wants people to take him for a genius. Therefore, it is important for him to
feel that his work is accepted by the world. I believe that Dr. Nemur was
afraid of further delay because he worried that someone else might make a
discovery along these lines and take the credit from him.
Dr. Strauss
on the other hand might be called a genius, although I feel that his areas of
knowledge are too limited. He was educated in the tradition of narrow
specialization; the broader aspects of background were neglected far more than
necessary—even for a neurosurgeon.
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Dr. Nemur
appears to be uncomfortable around me. Sometimes when I try to talk to him, he
just looks at me strangely and turns away. I was angry at first when Dr.
Strauss told me I was giving Dr. Nemur an inferiority complex. I thought he
was mocking me and I’m oversensitive at being made fun of.
How was I to
know that a highly respected psychoexperimentalist like Nemur was unacquainted
with Hindustani and Chinese? It’s absurd when you consider the work that is
being done in India and China today in the very field of this study.
I asked Dr.
Strauss how Nemur could refute Rahajamati’s attack on his method and results if
Nemur couldn’t even read them in the first place. That strange look on Dr.
Strauss’ face can mean only one of two things. Either he doesn’t want to tell
Nemur what they’re saying in India, or else—and this worries me—Dr. Strauss
doesn’t know either. I must be careful to speak and write clearly and simply so
that people won’t laugh.
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