Monday, February 18, 2013

81. The First Signs of Decline


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Flowers for Algernon (12)
Daniel Keyes

[I have already begun to notice signs of emotional instability and for­getfulness, the first symptoms of the burnout.]

 June 10—Deterioration progressing. I have become absentminded. Al­gernon died two days ago. Dissection shows my predictions were right. His brain had decreased in weight and there was a general smoothing out of cerebral convolutions as well as a deepening and broadening of brain fissures.
I guess the same thing is or will soon be happening to me. Now that it’s definite, I don’t want it to happen.
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I put Algernon’s body in a cheese box and buried him in the back yard. I cried.

June 15—Dr. Strauss came to see me again. I wouldn’t open the door and I told him to go away. I want to be left to myself. I have become touchy and irritable. I feel the darkness closing in. It’s hard to throw off thoughts of suicide. I keep telling myself how important this introspec­tive journal will be.

It’s a strange sensation to pick up a book that you’ve read and en­joyed just a few months ago and discover that you don’t remember it. I remembered how great I thought John Milton was, but when I picked up Paradise Lost I couldn’t understand it at all. I got so angry I threw the book across the room.

I’ve got to try to hold on to some of it. Some of the things I’ve learned. Oh, God, please don’t take it all away. 
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