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Flowers
for Algernon (12)
Daniel Keyes
[I have
already begun to notice signs of emotional instability and forgetfulness, the
first symptoms of the burnout.]
June 10—Deterioration
progressing. I have become absentminded. Algernon died two days ago.
Dissection shows my predictions were right. His brain had decreased in weight
and there was a general smoothing out of cerebral convolutions as well as a
deepening and broadening of brain fissures.
I guess the
same thing is or will soon be happening to me. Now that it’s definite, I don’t
want it to happen.
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June 15—Dr. Strauss
came to see me again. I wouldn’t open the door and I told him to go away. I
want to be left to myself. I have become touchy and irritable. I feel the
darkness closing in. It’s hard to throw off thoughts of suicide. I keep telling
myself how important this introspective journal will be.
It’s a
strange sensation to pick up a book that you’ve read and enjoyed just a few
months ago and discover that you don’t remember it. I remembered how great I
thought John Milton was, but when I picked up Paradise Lost I couldn’t
understand it at all. I got so angry I threw the book across the room.
I’ve got to
try to hold on to some of it. Some of the things I’ve learned. Oh, God, please
don’t take it all away.
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