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Yes, I’m afraid I can’t help it.
Consider the last two entries, and the evidence you
and I can find around us for human ethology as an unquestionable grid against
which we can measure people’s, and our own attitudes (behaviourism). This blog
would easily become something other than what it is, namely, a language workshop (well,
at least that’s what it’s meant to be,
that’s what I take it to be, in
the absence of feedback! Maybe this should be discussed somewhere in this very
blog, because I somehow suspect that it does have to do with some ethological
misunderstanding which puts readers off from expressing their opinions).
And then consider this:
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Three members of a family that has recently moved in our block on the same
floor were coming up. Two of them (women, whom I had seen before) and I made eye contact, exchanged smiles (that
kind of social smile you found out about in the previous two posts) and we all greeted each other. We (the
women, I mean) observed the whole ritual and, while I was waiting politely for the third family member (a twenty-something briskly
coming upstairs behind his relatives) to pass by, I somehow expected him to make eye
contact and greet; instead of the brisk climbing, he glanced at me sideways and,
for some three long minutes, he came up the last eight steps one by one,
feigning some pain in his left leg, which just “wouldn’t obey its owner’s will”
and took twice as much to reach his right leg with every step. The four long minutes now elapsed,
he crossed me (I was still there, standing rubbish-bag-in-hand), said a roguish
‘Hello’ and turned the corner.
Now, I’d very
much like to know what you think about this incident.
And about the photo below!
And about the photo below!
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Hello Eugenia,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, you have a very silly neighbour. There is one in every block of flats, several sometimes.
What can we do? Be patient and next time you see him you can walk very very slowly before and if it is possible with a big rubbish-bag-in-hand again.
Take your time to down the stairs. Don´t worry!
I don´t like the bush of the picture, first of all because it's rude, trees are beautiful in their own shape (I don't like strange shapes). People who make this are people who need draw attention. I'd ask for legislation related with this in the city council. Perhaps I'd raise a higher fence.
It's a hard work keep the bush like this , mainly in springtime. And if I can't help it nature has given us adorable weevils,aphids and borers.
Thank you for being there, Mercedes!
ReplyDeleteWere it not for you, I would say that all the visits to the blog this summer came from World Wide Web trackers!
I don't know whether we might call it silliness...Rather, it sounds like crass lack of civic education, which says something about co-existence norms.
'Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you', said Jean Paul Sartre(the original formulation is, of course, in French; funny though, the translation in Spanish is different in many ways).
As for the bush, I didn't choose it because it's likeable, on the contrary! I chose it because it was so shocking that it goes beyond the incident I experienced at the top of the staircase.
Hello Eugenia:
DeleteI don’t know if I take your point. First of all, when we said that our ‘hero’ was trying to draw people’s attention, we meant, at least in my case, that he was trying to draw people’s attention compulsively. It is true that people want to draw attention or be acknowledged consciously or unconsciously, but not in such an odd way in general. He is a moron, but I think he was perfectly conscious that he was drawing attention. He just can’t help it. By the way, when I asked you if he was mentally retarded, I was asking rhetorically. Perhaps because I am not young and immature any more I see the incident negatively. It is an aggressive behaviour like a fix stare when it takes the form of a challenge as to who will look away first.
A part from that, I did not ask you about this young man’s personal affairs. I asked you about the relatives’ reaction because it is important from a behaviorist perspective. You described the relatives’ reaction as normal before the incident. What about after? Did you see if they reinforced the behaviour in some way?
We have the right to privacy, I agree with that. I am not sociable at all. Nevertheless, ‘I am I and my circumstance’ as Ortega said.
Hi Carlos,
DeleteThe point I've been trying to make in almost all my replies has to do with the yawning gap between cultural scripts, or scenarios.
Let me explain: we (that is, you, I, and thank goodness the majority) can easily see the difference between behavioural schemes that have their origin in AGE, as stages of develpoment in humans. But there is another, deeper behaviour / attitude that I shall call NUCLEAR, which does not depend on a person's age (and in this case, a twenty-something, indeed more than 21, is not a teenager); it has to do with ethos (in Aristotle's terms), which comes down to habituation along childhood years.
Really, I did not in any way mean to cast a shadow on the education he received, or to imply that the lack of reaction in his relatives meant THEY didn't know how to raise him: I pointed higher, in the sense that, unfortunately, there is almost always a paralysing silence that installs after such incidents.
As far as I'm concerned, I do feel strongly the need to take a stance, to say what I think is wrong in that person's behaviour, but not because of personal pride: it has to do with pedagogy. But who do I think I am? Who will decode my reaction in the same 'language'? Some will comment that "tampoco es para tanto" (i.e., not that it matters); others will keep it in their memory so as to be on the watch when something similar happens to them, IF AT ALL.
I'm all in favour of what you said, except the circumstance-argument: THAT is where overcrowding is important, that's why cities are special, fianlly that's why city-dwelers must observe rules of co-existence.
Hello everybody!
ReplyDeleteHe makes you wait for four minutes, really? I agree with Mercedes, you have to be very silly to do that. Nevertheless, is a lack of civic education as well. Perhaps he is trying to attract people’s attention, we all know people like this. For me is more shocking the situation than the bush. Are you sure that he is not mentally retarded? And what about the relatives, did they witness the whole thing? If they did, how did they react? Please, give us some more clues because it is a very funny story.
Everybody is at the beach here in Spain, that is way only World Wide Web trakers visit the blog.
Phew, this is good news, Carlos (that makes THREE of us already), I mean, you coming back to the old ways, posting every so often (or is it that you didn't find the other entries interesting enough?)!
ReplyDeleteHmm, where shall I begin?
Well, I'll begin by saying something about the baboon in the first picture.
I've had this whiff of gregariousness in humans for a long time now. You get on a bus, or a train and, after a few minutes of 'acknowledgement' in the form of small talk, the person next to you is ready to start questioning you about...everything: where you live, where you come from, who you live with, where you're going, and why (needless to say, the smaller the distance the greater the curiosity)!
I simply like to be left to decide when and with whom I want to etsablish closer relationships. So, again, I will resist the temptation to qualify this young man's personal affairs. My point is a bit different: Things like these are simply NOT DONE, they do not obtain in a sporadic relationship. That's why I gave the post the title 'Live and Let Live.'
What with the crisis and all this we're experiencing: just a bit of extra pressure and we're back to where the baboon belongs!
Some places on this earth are so crowded that the only way you can live in them is to let live: don't you think we have a right to privacy after all?
By the way, I see you coincide in branding his attitude as a need to draw attention. Under what circumstances, may I ask you, DON'T people WANT to draw attention? At what age?
Hello.
ReplyDeleteI know that the people at that age are difficult, but I think that his relatives should tell him that what he does it´s rude.
My husband sees teenagers like him everyday in the library. Perhaps is the society.
Hi Pasky, long time!
DeleteThere were two questions, but no answer on your behalf: what age do you call 'that age'? My neighbour is NOT a teenager; I said 'twenty-something'...
Hi!!!
DeleteI call teenager those 'young' people who live with their parents, it doesn´t depend on their age...LOL
Nowadays teenagers (and not too young... (25 or more)) don´t have such an education we used to have, and they think that they can do all what they want because it won´t have any consecuence... They don´t think about it.
Mari Carmen
Hi,
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately not everybody are lying on the beach! ;-)
I agree with majority, I think your silly young neighbor had a deep need to draw attention. Maybe he hasn't brothers or sisters (neither a girlfriend) to impress, and his parents allow him doing whatever he wants whenever he wants. With his attitude he said to you "ei, I'm here and I'm being rude; there is no rules, you can see my parents really close and nothing is happening". He feels a kind of satisfaction with that and I suppose he won't be so rude if he walks alone. Let us know...
Hi Esther, I'm glad you joined the conversation (I haven't even left Madrid in two months, what IS a beach?!)
DeleteNo way: you're in too much of a hurry to find excuses. I'm really suggesting something else: I mean, when someone wants to attract attention, that someone TELLS himself or herself that in his or her mind? How CONSCIOUS a process is it?
Hi Eugenia,
DeleteWow, It's not an easy think to discuss..If there isn't a psychological disorder and taking into consideration that is a teenager, what I supposed is that he is almost 90% conscious about his rude attitude.
But I'm not an expert in this area, and definitely human mind still remains a mystery for me, such a treasure to discover or an empire to conquer. ;-)
Oh, don't worry, not even experts know how to deal with it.
DeleteBUT WAIT: why are you saying that he is a teenager? '-teen' means roughly from 13 to 19 - legally until 21 when a citizen may vote.
Honest, this incident prepared me for the worst.
See you soon!
Fortunately, I think this kind of inmature and unpolite behaviour is not a common event. This might have to do with upbringing, life experience or behaviour and its consequences. Most times parents and relatives can prevent it but sometimes they can't. Let me give you an example:
ReplyDeleteWhen my daughter was two she used to bite all the children in the park, I punished her for doing it but it did not work, I tried everything but she kept doing it, then I had an idea I bit her and she understood "OK, I must not bite my mother",but what about the children? next day she bit the children again until one day a child bit her back and she did not bite anybody any more.
I know your neighbour is not two but what I mean is against this kind of behaviour we all have to react.
Regarding the photo if I saw that bush in the street I would think "imbécil" and I would forget it immediately
That's a very good example, Marta - even if it has really happened, and not to anyone but to you.
DeleteIt reminds me of a very, very old saying (I wonder how many of the readers recognize it), 'Don't do to others what you wouldn't like them to do to you'...Simple words with deep implications!
I Know that the correct tense verb for routine is present simple. Why can we use present continous too?
ReplyDeleteEj:Sentence 30 in the "Meaning in the Making"
He always says / he's always saying that the will mend te window.....
Hi there!
DeleteI'd like to think that other students are viewing the blog this evening, so it would be only fair to let someone else answer. Anyway, if there is no attempt until midnight, I'll answer myself!
You're right there! The correct tense to use to express routine IS Present Simple, so the answer is "hidden" in your affirmation: if you want to express an action which is NOT routine, you use a different tense - in this case its progressive version.
ReplyDeleteBut wait, there's more: the Present Continuous does its job to refer to actions that don't happen on a regular basis. It also serves for situations like this one, in which the speaker EXPRESSES ANNOYANCE at someone's flippancy. The speaker is cross because the HE from the example keeps promising to do things but never keeps his promises!
Hi Eugenia,
ReplyDeleteI believe that the lack of education is not related to the age, but with the lack of familiar education. Everyday I realise that this lack of contact among the family, with the past of the years, change us to an individualist one, it means, we just think in ourselves and "the others to the hell". I would't say that your neighbour's behavior was an inmature reflect, psychological problems or even to claim attention. I believe that it's really a lack of respect, bad education and lack of civil behavior. It's a shame perceive that society is loosing their main values like respect to the others.
I don't really know what to say, Christiane; maybe we ourselves change at the same time as those around us change. The older people become, the more visible their defects appear. So I do think that what made him do that was because of a blend of slack education AND a need of self-assertiveness.
DeleteSometimes it so happens that we receive a very rude, impolite message from one of our neighbours. The first reaction to it is an offence, or uncontrolled angry.
ReplyDeleteBut if we stop to reflect for a while, probably, we will realize that it's not the wisest decision we can make.
The best answer to a rude neighbour is complete indifference. Indifference is the most effective weapon: you are sublimely communicating to them that you don't care about their unsensitive, stupid provocations and it's not worth discussing.